NO!
When you're struggling to get pregnant, it's natural to search for an explanation. You might find yourself wondering whether you waited too long to start trying, spent too many years on birth control, drank too much coffee, experienced too much stress, or somehow made choices that contributed to your infertility.
But infertility is a medical condition, not a personal failure.
Why We Blame Ourselves
Infertility can leave people feeling profoundly powerless. When something matters so much and remains outside our control, our minds often search for something we could have done differently. Self-blame can create the illusion that we had control over the outcome, even when that belief causes enormous pain. Unfortunately, cultural messages about fertility often reinforce this thinking. We're told to relax, reduce stress, eat differently, or simply stop trying so hard. While certain health factors can influence fertility, these suggestions dramatically oversimplify a complicated biological process.
You didn't cause your infertility by worrying too much, working too hard, or failing to maintain the perfect lifestyle. And although age can affect fertility, that doesn't mean you deserve blame for when you were ready or able to pursue parenthood.
You Deserve Compassion, Not Blame
Infertility can involve grief, anger, jealousy, shame, and a painful sense of disconnection from your body. These feelings can become especially difficult when you believe you somehow brought the experience upon yourself.
At Seattle Reproductive Psychotherapy, we help individuals and couples navigate the emotional complexity of infertility, including self-blame, uncertainty, relationship strain, and the exhaustion of fertility treatment.
Therapy can't eliminate the uncertainty of infertility, but it can help you develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself while you're living through it.
